Ode to TiVo

As you probably gathered from the title, this isn’t another government critique, nor is it a logical insight into the human psyche. (I haven’t done any of those). This however, is a sonnet in Shakespearean form. Okay well it’s not. But tivo rules. Excuse me, I should probably call it by its true name, TiVo. I’ll write it with the caps despite the fact that it’s a pain in the ass as a testament to its ruleage.

So I’ll first tell everyone what they already know. TiVo records shows. I tell it to record ‘The Amazing Race’, ‘Alias’, ‘Arrested Development’ or ‘The Apprentice’ and it records it whenever it’s on. (How messed up is that? My four favorite shows all begin with the letter ‘A.’) But the thing is, everyone knows it already does that. As do digital recorders that cable boxes are beginning to offer. That in itself makes it worth the purchase price. The only time I ever watch tv straight from the receiver is when sports are on.

So what was it that truly made me fall in love with it? Well, I’ll tell you. It also has a feature that you rate certain shows, and by what you rate them, it determines your likes and dislikes. Based on those ratings, it will record stuff automatically, called ‘TiVo Suggestions’ which you can watch at any time. Hey sounds cool right? Well let me tell you how well it does. ‘Northern Exposure’ (which also rules, watch it if you get the chance) was off the air by the time I got my TiVo. So I couldn’t record it. But as I began to record and rate certain shows I liked, it got to know my tastes. And sure enough, when the show came back on the air (it’s now on at 2 AM on the Hallmark Channel), the TiVo knew that I’d like it and recorded it for me. How awesome is that? So now I have it recorded every time it comes on! ‘Woot’ as they say.

I also have alerts set up so whenever a film is being broadcast that I might like, it’ll let me know, and I can record it. Or if I don’t get a chance to check, it may record a film as a suggestion for me in case I watch it. So now, I have no reason to flip through a guide wondering what’s on. All I have to do is click TiVo on, and it has 40 hours of programs that I like to choose from. At any time. Awesome.

Hey who is that? Wait…is that Pee-Wee Herman? It is! Hey, Pee-Wee. Have something on your mind?

“Well if you like TiVo so much why don’t you marry it?” Believe me Pee-Wee, I would if I could, but it doesn’t look like it’s gonna happen.

“Happen?? That’s the secret word!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!”

…That’s great Pee-Wee. Why’d they cancel your show again?